The Waiting for You collection and zine: My desire to be a mother

My deep desire to be a Mom has been a long-time thing for me. Making art and a zine about this struggle as a trans woman has been both therapeutic for me, but also tells a vital story.

The Waiting for You collection and zine: My desire to be a mother
(From left-to-right) Broken, Laugh, The Matriarchs

I've wanted to be a Mom for quite some time. But as a trans woman, that's a daunting task and is compounded by sad realities. The daunting part extends to both adoption or surrogacy, both of which do not favor trans women in any way, shape, or form. Especially in the south. But also, it's just sad to know the thing I want the most, to carry a child and bring them into this world, isn't in the cards for me.

Early in 2020 this deep desire got really intense. My Mom had me at 25, her Mom (my Gram) had her at 25, and in 2020 I turned 25 and I felt ready. Times are different, yes, and queer family timelines aren't the same as cis/het family timelines, but that doesn't change the maternal instinct and drive that makes someone want kids.

To help process through this agonizing desire to want to have kids, but not being able to, I started a series of art pieces and titled the collection Waiting for You. The collection has ~25 pieces in it total, all 8" x 8" digital pieces.

The biggest inspiration for this series of art pieces and the subsequent zine was the song "More" by Halsey. I'd really recommend you give it a listen. The first piece in the series was actually titled More. While the Halsey song speaks to Halsey's struggles with carrying a child to term, it also struck me as a trans woman who can't carry kids despite the deep desire to.

A few months after starting the collection, I dove into making zines. After making my first zine, Slut, I started a new zine about the emotions I was feeling around wanting to be a Mom. I titled it Waiting for You as well, since it includes a ton of the art I made.

While I'd love to write more about being a trans woman and wanting to be a Mom, the zine does an incredible job of telling that story! I personally feel that it is the most important zine I have ever, and maybe will ever, make. Check out the zine below, and checkout some of the art from the series here!

The zine "Waiting for You" in print

Want to buy a copy of the Waiting for You zine? Click here!
Want to download a copy of the Waiting for You zine? Visit my zine site!

Until next time, with love,
Hannah A. Patellis